And the last day?!

 I don't know how it happened... but on Thursday you graduated from your first year of preschool. !!.

 We started it the usual way by dressing you and Leo in basically the same outfit and then slicking all of your hairs to the side.

 Leo has been cheering you on all year. And a big part of his week was walking you into preschool and picking you up after. But I think this cheer shows how excited he is that you will be around all summer.

 Every morning before preschool we went on our Pre-Preschool Cookie run. This is what I got when I asked you guys to smile for the picture.

 We love Ms. Stacy! She planned an awesome graduation program. Every time I think of us leaving her I get a little teary.

 On the way to your last day you told me that you had told Ms. Stacy that you wanted to be a dentist. A dentist... That was the first time I had heard that. At the graduation she read what everyone had written down. There were things like... a mom, as big as my daddy, a dragon.. and then yours... a dentist :). Later that day you said you were so scared to sing in the program, but that afterwards you had the best feeling in your throat. I am so proud of you for doing something important even though you were scared. Dad couldn't come because he was in Tucson. The next day you said to him, "Dad, why didn't you come to my graduation, it was really exciting.." Yeah, Dad, seriously.

We will miss our little ritual of you going to preschool. I love to think over the year of your progression in actually getting there. You cried the first few times. You sat on the couch and cried until you were ready and then you joined the class, but you never followed us up the stairs and you never called for us to come back and get you. You just needed to do your thing. After the first day, you would walk in backwards, holding my hand all the way from the car. You would walk backwards all the way down the stairs. Finally, one day you were able to walk in going forwards, but you still cried on the couch. Pretty soon you would be sad and I would have to carry you to your chair, but you could finally go strait to your chair. By the end you would do the whole thing without crying, but you and leo had to butt scoot down the stairs. Everytime. And that never changed. On the way to the last day you said that you liked preschool more every time you went ... :). Love you buddy, Leo and I are so proud.

I'm ready now.

First. Day. Of. Preschool. 

 Felt a bit like this.

 Dear Jonah Boy, 

Last Thursday was your first day of preschool. Holy crap. We ate eggs from the ladies for breakfast and it started out pretty smooth. We air guitar-ed to Mumford and Son's.. 

 As the time drew nearer... emotions ran high. I could tell you were getting nervous. We convinced you it was okay to stay alone with your class and teacher because we would be outside waiting for you and with a promise to the icky store right after to get a Star Wars toy. You were crying off and on before we left and I knew you were nervous. I couldn't get you to stop for a picture. In this one you are walking away from me.

 I was sick with a cold so Dad said he would take you... but we couldn't resist. We all went. I know Dad used my cold as an excuse, but he really wanted to go. He didn't want to miss your first day and he wanted to be the one to drop you off. And we were not the only ones. There were a bunch of families outside for your first days ;). On the drive there, I looked back at you in your carseat. My mind rushed forward 15 years and I could see us dropping you off to college. My heart was breaking and so full of love. We walked you downstairs when we got there and I was fighting back tears. I could tell you were nervous because you didn't want to talk to anyone and you went over by the toys by yourself. I kissed you goodbye and I walked away and left you with dad. You started to cry and I knew Yoyo and I had to go back upstairs. We could hear you screaming and crying. Just you. And Lilly. :). Dad dropped me off at home and took leo to the store. Our house felt so big and empty. My heart was breaking. I missed you so much. I sat on the couch reading a John Wayne magazine I got for Grandpas birthday, but I kept bursting in to tears. I am so excited for you. You will learn so much. So many people will part of this incredible journey of life and I am just a small part of it. I love watching you learn and grow and experience... but for a moment, I needed to be sad. I needed to FEEL all of what was happening and sink into the idea that a chapter of our time together was closing and a new one opening. I didn't want to miss that. So I cried. I sobbed. I felt so much love for you. I worried about you. I laid on the couch with a cold and a blanket like the Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice lamenting over my nerves!! But I don't want to miss the feeling part of life. I don't want to miss the story. I don't want to skip over the substance. And watching you and Leo is so beautiful only crying can articulate it.

 You loved it, by the way. I went down and you were holding a picture while your class was singing a song. Your teacher told me that you walked up to her after for crying for a while and said, "I'm ready now." And you were. And that is so you. You did the processing you needed to do... and you were ready. I love the way you show up in the world. I love how you participate with a whole heart. You are a Human. It's so hard to comprehend :).

Preschool, school, college, whatever. I hope we always can do this. 

Ps. Today was day two. We had a rough start. You walked all the way up to preschool backwards, holding my hand. You scooted down the stairs with leo behind you one at a time. BUT... we got there. Miss Stacy took your hand. And you did it. Love you, Jonah Boy.

You said..

I told you to eat your eggs or you couldn't have a cookie. You said:

It's not just that simple mom.

I told you to just wait and be patient, your drink was coming. You said:

It's not a competition mom.

I told leo to go and ahead and jump. He could do it. You said:

Be patient mom. He'll jump.

 The pre-party and pre-party cake with our bakery friends...

 We decked out the house while you were asleep...

 This was the night before your birthday. I love this so much. 

 Birthday watermelon.. in your new birthday shirt... 

 We invited some Safford friends over on your birthday. We made another cake and we were running around cleaning and setting things up before everyone came over. You were wondering around the house looking for things to do, just waiting. I kept finding little things for you to do, until finally you walked in the kitchen and I just looked at you... glowing on your birthday. So grown up and so sweet. I decided we should dance. I love a good dance. Alt-J was playing. We held hands and danced and swung all around the kitchen. Just us. You were laughing so hard with the biggest smile on your sweet face. That is as good as life gets. I know I am living in the best time of my life. I can't even think about that dance without bursting into tears. I will never forget it. Pure love between us. Pure and total love. I LOVE you, Jonah BOY!

You wanted to wear your birthday shirt to bed. You love birthdays as much as I do :). I cried and cried that night in bed with dad. I thought about how you are a boy now, and not so much a baby. I love watching you go through each new stage and learn more and more things. But I will miss my Jonah baby too. I am so happy that you are my Jonah Boy though. I can't wait to see all the new things you will learn and do. Love you. All of me loves all of you.

Come on, Ye-yo!

The day has finally come when you call to Leo to have him come play with you. It's amazing. "Come on, Yeyo!", is my favorite thing you say right now. 

Oh, and I also love how you get around rocks... 

What is that noisy?

Pull your hair up.
Ashie mommy hair.

AIR GUITAR!

Dear Jonah,

You are obsessed with air guitar right now. You love to sing "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons and head bang while you play the air guitar. Leo sings and dances with you. It is possibly the BEST part of our day(s). We watch "I Will Wait" and "Hopeless Wanderer" Over and Over.  In fact, 3 of my favorite memories from our trip to Utah have to do with Air Guitar. The first one was a Kell and Dan's wedding. After everything was over they turned on a dance mix. You immediately went out on the dance lawn and went air guitar crazy. Your hair was going wild with your head bang. All the nieces and nephews started dancing with you. Eventually Alina and I joined. And the bride and groom. Everyone started chanting, "Jonah! Jonah!" You didn't look up, but you smiled a little and played even harder. My cup runneth over. I was so happy you are you and that you are mine(ish), you know what I mean. I got all choked up. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

The second one was at Wes and Pennelope's house. We were on their back patio chatting. You were out on the lawn and started singing "I Will Wait" with air guitar. Leo was on my lap. He heard you and from clear across the yard he started singing and dancing with you. You were looking at each other. Penelope said, "they're talking to each other!" It was so amazing. They ended up giving us a mini guitar! They kind of have big hearts.

The last one was on the way home. We played the song and you both sang your hearts out. I was sitting squished between you. We were all singing our guts out. During the instrumentals you would shout out, "AIR GUITAR!" Oh, Jonah.