Dear Jonah,

      We took you to a memorial of an old friend's wife that your dad used to work for. It was in Draper at a plot of land that the Audubon Society bought and is now a refuge for birds and animals. Tree Utah has planted thousands of trees there and your dad and uncle Tyler have both worked there. We used to go there all the time. It was an amazing experience to go back with you. We were greeted with a big hug from Keith, an 87 year old man who works at the plot and carries around an oxygen tank. He hugged us both together-- you were strapped on the front of me in the baby bjorn. We stood in a circle while Vaughn did a small memorial. He talked about the evening star and seven conscious realms in Buddhism and how we would plant seven trees with one in the middle where his wife's ashes would be laid. It was pretty cold for a night in May. The words, the place, and the cold made it quiet enough to fall into a place of reflection. I could hear your short breaths and feel them on my chest--a brand new life, new cells, new skin, new lungs. Across the circle I could hear the puffs of an oxygen tank--old life, wrinkled skin, worn out lungs. A breath, a puff. In the middle of the circle was Vaughn, the ashes of this wife running through his fingers and into the soil. Once full of life--bones, skin, breathing lungs--now lie covered in soil, nurturing new life.... like a hug in a baby bjorn.

A breath,
An ash,
The evening star,
A puff,
An owl,
A cosmic chart,
Some pain,
Some dirt,
Some hurried words,
Some friends,
Some loss,
Some trees for her,
A sigh,
A glance,
An eager face,
A memory,
A moment,
A rescued place,
A reminder,
An homage,
A feminine prayer,
A breath,
A puff,
A circle to share.
       --AM May, 2012

Dear Jonah,
       There are so many things we want to teach you... but it seems more like I am learning and refining when I try to teach you something or think about what I want you to learn. Like sometimes I want to yell at someone while we are driving, but then I remember I want you to learn forgiveness. Sometimes I want to complain about someone being annoying, then I remember I want you to learn tolerance. Sometimes I want to be selfish and not let anyone else hold you, but I want you to learn to love and share.

Your Uncle Brian posted this song on Facebook. It is one of our favorite songs. My one claim to fame in the Murdock family is bringing Mason Jennings to the mix. I hope you learn this from us....

There are so many people to learn from.

"Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life,
those the art of living well."
Aristotle

And now, and now, and now...

Dear Jonah,

       This first letter to you is kind of a growing one and evolving one... like you. I had a professor, Alan Koehn, who taught my mythology class on the trickster. He reminded us that each day we are someone new. He told us to remember that when we meet with clients that they are a new person each time they come. When we met for class once a month he would ask, "who are you this month?" And we would raise our hands and talk about who we were at that moment. He would say, "who are you now? and now? and now?" This couldn't be more true for you. You are so new and so changing. You are new when you close your eyes and then someone else when you wake up. You are new when you cry, new when you eat. I want to track you and capture who you are now and now and now... And so this post will keep growing as I add pictures every few days of who you are now.