gone, scary, shark, no no no, oh no, uh oh, bye bye, tuk, mama, dad, goose, dog, goat,  car, ow, eyes,

Dear Jonah,
You have had so many new developments lately... It seems like everyday you do something new and delightful.  Besides all of your new words, you are also doing some new and hilarious things.  You love animals and animal books. When we are reading animal books, you make all the animal sounds and then you pat your leg to call them to you, like you do with Tuk. You also love to make everything kiss... the llama kisses the giraffe, I kiss the turtle, the dinosaurs kiss, the cars kiss.... And we love to give all the toys pretend food and you say.. "num, num." But I think my favorite new development is your newly found empathy.  We first noticed it when you were watching Nemo. You kept running out during the "scar-wa" parts when the shark would chase the fish. But it has moved beyond you feeling scared to all kinds of emotions.  You can sense when characters are sad, sometimes you even cry with them.  When they are excited or happy, you smile and look at us. It melts my heart.  But it goes even beyond that.  I know that kids pick up on their parent's emotions, but when it comes to the two of us, it's almost scary. If you are asleep and I am upset... you wake up and cry. Sometimes dad tries to calm me down so you will stay asleep. Even if I am whispering.. you still seem to sense it somehow.  I have never had to keep myself and my feelings so much in check.  I can almost guarantee that you are feeling whatever I am feeling. It has been a refining and edifying experience.  Tonight while I was laying by you, I was focusing to bring my anxiety down and to find peace so you could fall asleep. Then I started thinking... "is this my anxiety, or Jonah's?" Either way, I felt I could help us move through it. But it has changed my way of thinking about emotions... like they are their own entity... and we never really know where or who the source is until we take sometime to self reflect. But I love that we can sense what another person is feeling, especially if we are emotionally close to that person. It makes it so we don't have to live our emotional lives alone.  I especially love that the two of us can help each other this way. My little Pisces... ruled by emotion. :)

Dear Jonah,
I made this movie for a few of my friends at Pacifica right around the time you were born. I am thinking right before you were born. Every time I watch it, I get choked up. I sent it to a few of my friends in a FaceBook message. Melissa wrote back and said she was weirdly crying while watching this and eating a bowl of cereal. :).  I will never forget finding out about you. I was at my very last week of school in Carpinteria, California. That Friday we had a ritual at the beach with the first years. We made two lines and everyone had to walk down between the lines blindfolded while we whispered messages of love into their ears. I cannot help but compare that to the birthing process... going blindly, hoping for, needing, and hearing messages from love until you are welcomed at the end of the tunnel.  After the ritual we all went to a bar in downtown Santa Barbara called the Marque. I snuck away and bought a test at the closest CVR. I talked to my friends for a while. Then I found out about you. I ran outside and called dad. Almost a year later after writing a thesis and having you, we went back to California for graduation and got our picture under the sign at the bar. I love you, Jonah baby.

     

Dear Jonah,

Have you ever woken up one day and said, "holy crap, I am six months pregnant!?" Of course you haven't. But that happened to me. A baby brother. When I spoon you on the floor while you fall asleep, he kicks us both. You give him kisses. And pat him. I hold you with your arms wrapped around my neck while you sit on him. I carry you both thru the grocery store so you don't take everything off the shelves. We do everything all together already.

words

Your latest word is: Hello.

Hello, chickens.

Hello, person on the phone.

Hello, dog.

Lately....

Dear Jonah,

Hi. You change so fast, that sometimes I forget when things are new or when they started. Yesterday, Ryder asked me when you started walking.... I said, "well, gradually over the course of the last few weeks..." Don't get me wrong, I remember your first steps. We were in the front yard. Dad was sitting by you. He helped you stand up and you took a step. But I don't know what day that was. So.... just so I can remember, here are some of the things you do lately.

-Walk around the house using all the walls or the broom to help keep your balance.
-You have started crawling out of your room when you wake up instead of crying. It is hilarious.
-You like to vacuum with the vacuum on now. You know how to turn it off if you get bored.
-You take the spoon away from me when you eat so you can do it yourself.
-You think it's funny when you bite us.
-You point at Leo, Tigra, and Jesus over and over again in the guest room.
-You hug your stuffed animals, then hand them to me.
-You growl a lot.
-You were up all night last night growing a tooth.
-You make best friends with anyone who will take you outside to see the chickens, a dog, or play in the dirt.
-You are obsessed with Tuk's food bowls.
-You empty all the cupboards and drawers.
-You say "brroom broom" whenever you see a toy truck or car.
-You get really excited whenever you see a vacuum or broom.
-You love chocolate.
-You love strawberries and blueberries.
-Your first word is "Da!" for dog.

And last.... the other day you dropped something on your foot. You actually pointed at your foot to tell me what was wrong. O Jonah.

I and Love and You.

You turned one today. My cup over-runneth.  I love you, tinky face.

Dear Jonah,
We are back! It is now time for binge posting since our computer has been broken for months! I have so much to say to you... You will be one in one week from today.  Guess if that makes me sentimental? It does.

I found this quote today in Eastern Body, Western Mind--my new favorite book-- and I got all choked up. It is from The Prophet, by the poet Kahlil Gabran.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you, but not of you.
And though they are with you yet, they belong not to you.
--- Kahlil Gibran

That is only a segment from the passage, but I feel that more everyday. When I watch you learn, dipping your fork into yogurt, vacuuming every corner of the kitchen, closing your eyes when i wash your hair, I realize you are nature set in motion.  You came with all the programming, with all the potential just waiting for triggers in the world around you to call them out--then you shoot out a sprout.  We make your soil rich, and you do the rest. I watch you with awe, as I do with many things in nature.